Coup mon Decembre!

I knew I'm suppose to mention about my new born cousin (darn..is that spelt correctly?Suddenly I cant seem to spell 'cousin'!)

She's adorable,though her eyes were closed all the time.
(Refuse to wake up for me!!)

So with that, I officially welcome another tall babe to the group.
She will be tall!
Btw there's nothing wrong with tall so dont be jealous and try to hurt our ego.
Her fingers are long, her hands are long, her toes are exactly OUR traits!
My mum said that she looked like my grandma.

I took quite a few shots with my newly bought Cybershot but darn! It took FOREVER for me to upload to the net and I dont usually have the patience to wait.
Maybe the files are too big.Think I would need to (figure how to) resize them.

Anyway work is kinda quiet.
We all forsee that it's gonna start snowing for December.

The only thing good about December is of coz' Christmas and I think the entire Saturdays for December will be quite packed.

This Sat,I'm bringing Charmaine out.
Next Sat,I'm bringing Cindy and Phia out, followed by Mingli's performance!!
The following Sat,I have Clara's daughter's piano contest to attend.(At Raffles hotel.)
The last Sat will be NYE.
Hmm~Lala,I love it!

I love to be busy, to be packed.
Any minute of idle will kill me.

Ok,I get it.
My photos sizes are TOOOOO big.
How to resize?
Hmm..ask a rhetorical question and get a stupid song on radio.

Nothing much.

Let's enjoy our last month of 2005,yea?

Man..this year sure flies.Especially when you are 21 years and onwards.

Don't cry, we still have each other.

The truth..the ugly

I was kinda distraught (too strong a word) astonished when I finally realised how this whole system goes about.

I know this won't do for long.

One year or maybe another half to a maximum of two, is all I am willing to wait and see. (I dont even know if I have got that patience.)

This is gonna be ugly.

To be frank, I am pretty disappointed with how things are presented to me and the way that I feel.
(And you are not even assuring me.)

I tried my best not to think of it but I know nothing will be done either how.

That's all.

To be frank, I am kinda disappointed with the way things are presented to me and the way I feel.

That's all.

To be frank, I am kinda disappointed.

That's all.

The Holy Season

Christmas.
I love it.

I jusy love everything right about this season that I should be put in the other side of the globe and bask in the joy.

I pray for joy and happiness, health and luck for the world.

And I pray for my family,my friends, Jason's grand father whose in need of it now.(Fast recovery,Ah gong.)

And I wish for peace for my Autumn world.

Ennui

What's Behind Your Emotions?
Why You Feel the Way You Do

Mia, your emotions are triggered by your underlying belief in Loyalty

In other words, your uncompromisingly loyal nature directly affects how, and how often, you experience certain feelings.For example, your test results indicate that you're most fulfilled when you can connect on a meaningful level with friends, family, and others in your community. That factor is directly related to your fundamental belief in loyalty and the range of emotions it triggers.


How Bright Is Your Aura?
Interpreting the Colors of Your Energy Field

Mia, the brightest color in your aura is Green

Contrary to popular myth, auras are actually multi-colored energy fields that can be divided into seven primary layers. Having Green as your brightest color means that the forth layer of your aura is the most vibrant. You have exceptional abilities to engage in abstract thinking, and this leads others to come to you for your insight. You have a refined sense of intuition, and your gut instinct rarely leads you astray.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Just a silly test that I did outta boredom.

Anyway tomorrow I'm gonna visit my new borned cousin.
Her name is Chuan En.
Dont know if I'm allow to take pictures cos' I think I heard of some sayings that newborns shouldnt take photos?

I'm kinda peeved when people all have common names.
Well at least Chuan En isnt,though that last name is.

But hey,at least En sounds better than Ling huh?
Instead of calling 'Ling' all the time, En seems much more cooler and unisex.

But then how does it matter?

Actually I aint too keen to go cos' I'm lazy to look nice on a Sunday(trying to.)

Well..we shall see.

The long waited

Twenty-sixth, November, Twenty and five.

Borned perhaps the largest amount that I zapped at one go, Cybershot DSC T5.

Honestly if you must ask how I felt when I bought and now I owned.








Nothing really much, I mean it.

Yes,I have been eyeing on it and I am proud of it.
I have been thinking of the millions of pictures that I can shoot with the brillant 5.1 mega pixels.

But I didnt regard it as something so branded and prestige.

In short,I just didnt really feel THAT excited when I bought it.

Why?

I dunno how to explain.
It's like such material possessions doesnt please my heart at all.


Then why did I buy it?
Not that I have so many dough that I cant digest.

Maybe like what I've said, it is a self reckon trophy and goal that I set for myself.
Been holding it for a long time and start saving for it for months,it is time that I get it. (Who would wanna miss that free 512mb memory stick offer?)
And it's not that it wont do me any good.

By saying 'good',I mean the things that I can do with a good (sleek)camera.

So now it's still lying in the box.
I bought the champnge gold one.

I was told that the black is the most popular and the gold perhaps the least.(What about the red?)

Honestly the silver one is so common and didnt appeal to sight at all.
The black is very classic but somehow it didnt bite my appetite.
I took the gold one.

Either say me having bad taste but I would rather believe my unique taste anytime.
It is quite stylish and peels the eyes.


One drawback:
The 5.1 mega pix is gonna blown my looks.
It is magnifying the bad and the ugly.

Boo!

Something's in between

Somedays I just felt that there's something light yet pressing forcefield in between and it makes me feel helpless at nights.

I really dont know what to do at times like this.

I know I'm being sensitive and insecure again.

Why wont this stop?

That does it!

The SECOND TIME!


I TYPED A WHOLE LOT OF THINGS!


Somedays it's not that you enjoy cussing but really...


F.

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving,not known here though.

I suppose Thanksgiving is a day whereby you thank everyone (in ur family?) and have a gathering dinner together?
Well someone gotta correct me cos' I only get this brief impression from BabyBlues.
Haha.

It's such a warm 'festive' anyway.
I dunno how I always think eating turkey is linked to Thanksgiving.

Of cos' I gotta thank my family, my friends,my job,my boo,myself and my Ninja turtles(which really aint mine to begin with.)aka Stinky and Stinko.
Think I gotta change their names to Leonardo and Michealangelo or Raphael and Donatello.

Anyway...

I am finally sick of Ms Critic and starting to get low self esteem.

It's time for REBOUNCE~

Thank God for a tomorrow.

If people can't learn the art of telephone etiquette

I wish they fucking stay outta reach of the phone!

Those who cant practise manners over the phone is like the same as telling people that your parents never teach you anything about manners when ya young.(oh you know those aunties' tales.)

What the hell is wrong with those people?And if I have to mention names,it is particulary those people who think alot of themselves.
And in my situation,if any of my candidates are rude to me,I can be sure to slice their head off.
(Ya,I SLICE,not chopped,ya got any problem?)

To tell you how I do it crudely,hear this.

There's this gal whose so cocky and was rude to my colleague who helped me to call her while I was out for lunch.
So the company decided to drop her as well.
Much as I really wanna call to scold her,I decided to let the matter rest.
Who knows she had to call me up again and this is what I said.

Candidate:"You receive my msg,yea?"
Mich:"Ya."
Candidate:"I dun want the job already and you also didnt tell me it is 5.5 day work week."
Mich:"Look,I really have no idea that this company operates on 5.5 work week. I have told you before that this order was being passed down from my other colleague whose no longer here."
Mich:"Anyway the company has already choosen someone else whom they think is MORE qualified!"
Candidate:"Oh..ok."*Stunned*
Mich:"Are you still looking for jobs?"
Candidate:"Ya,I am."
Mich:"Alright I will cont'd to keep a look out for you,anything I will call you ya?"
Candidate:"OK."
Mich:"Ok then.Bye"
*Hung the phone and toss her resume aside.

This is how sacarsm works.

But when it is the company that is problematic,we are always on the losing end.

Remember that $5000 high flyer I clinched.
It is supposed to go by 80% or 100% of her offered salary to me.
Fucking scheming HR wanted to bargain 60% with no guarantee.(Cos' they know that this gal wont leave.)

Hey,come here..I SHIT U!
*poke my vulgar finger in her face*

This is non negotiable,ok.

What made me boil was what happened then.

Mich:"Hi,SHARONNE.(that's her name) Chuanling frm Success huh."
Shit:"Ya."
Mich:"Regarding the placement fees,I have already discussed with my management but he wont go for lower and everything is being signed & agreed before hand already."
Shit:"um"
Mich:"So it's either 80% or 100% ya?"
Shit:"Um.ya"
SLAMMED THE PHONE ON ME!

What the FUCK is that!

Hey look,it's not even YOUR Money that you are gonna fork up.
What the hell ya going to scrimp on?
If you cant afford that kinda placement fees, dont pay my candidate that kinda nonsense figure?
And if you wanna pay her that, don't look for us.
You get your candidate from ME, and you signed on that T&Cs,what is your problem!

Isnt that very undesirable from a HR personnel?!
Wait,I stand corrected.
I think she is the SENIOR HR personnel.



And her later email was kinda sacarstic and they go for 80%.

You can be sure I can forget about their current order given.
You think it is very easy to find then come and suffocate in my seat!

Fucking piece of shit. Dont let me see you old and begging for job one day. I am so gonna Ha-Ha-BLAH at your face.

Facials,Spas,Treatments.That's for Tai-tai,not me(yet).

The hibernating weather,the Monday blues,the psychological dues,the ugly me made me took half day leave today.

It was in reverse order of the above factors that I mentioned that asked for half a day off.

First I know how bad my eyes are.
Then I had reminders of how bad of a state it is.
Next I thought of taking half a day to rectify the the problem.
Uh huh~Sickness is the only good reason that you can ask for a day off without any brain squeezed.
Ditto.
I kinda started feeling unwell.(really)
It could be psychologically that leads to physically.
I really look bad so I have no problem fooling the world.

I went in CosLab with no penny spend on my thoughts.
Eyes badly need to see a doctor.
I asked for the package price and spent some time listen to the profession advice,acting professional tai tai to be at the same time.
Package price:S$69.
I went in with no hesistation.
I cant let my eyes die at 21.

Seem better,feel better.
Wanted to book next appointment.
My eyes almost fall down the ground and roll off before somebody stepped on it when it is S$69 per session!

I know it is never enough to heal my eyes if I just go for a session like this.
The lady kept pushing me to sign up for the 10/15/20 sessions.
Even if I took the minimum,it will scrap a $690 hole in my account.

So I tale alot of lies.(I've sinned badly today!)
I told her I will be flying off tonight to M'ysia(Btw,my passport had long expired!) to visit my granddaddy(whose no longer here and was never M'ysian). So I will called her next week to book a appointment and tell her how many sessions I shall go for.

-----___________________________________------


With that being said,I can never trace my steps any 5km near their shop again.


So what should I do with my eyes?

Well..since it was circulation prob,I shall eat more fruits and dunk gallonS of water.
Hopefully today's treatment had done the bad skin away..

Sigh.


It hurts to be poor.

A peek of Revelation

And what about revelation that I have to offer?

Um...
I keep this title registered here first just in case I might put it to good rants.
Cos' I like the way it sounds.

Nothing too biblical(sp?).

I try to say goodbye & I choked...Walk away & I stumbled

God knows how imperfect I am.
I was all mixed with all the lousy ingredients, inside out.
Ain't pretty and ain't wonderful.
And I know that.

Putting physique aside,I probably have one of the worst kinda personality and character around.
Those who dont have the intimate contact with me wont discover...likely.
But I'm not going to tell you how lousy I am here and then makes you think I am trying to earn some booster points.

I hate to feel my 'internal' world being violated and then lonely all over again.
It's the effort,feel,thought,idea of restart everything on each new week that worn me up.
And I'm scare too.

I depend alot of Jason.
The reason why I seem so "isolated" from him,trying to deviate all my emotions during each parting is becos' I refused to feel so sad.

I thought,if God wants me to give up one ability,I would likely to choose the ability to talk if I must.
I am not a verbal person.
I do love to talk and mimic in accents when I'm happy.But when I'm upset,I just can't utter a word.
It's not because of I'm beat that I dont talk.But I just cant talk when I am feeling upset.
I dunno how to tell everyone that I dont feel happy.
Yes it's very easy to read my mood of the day but I just cant express in words when I am upset.

I am not angry with Jason all of the times,I know which is right and wrong at the back of my mind.
I am not unreasonable but again what makes me not such brat?(When I am behaving like that all the time?)

I'm not trying to self evaluate my weakness and then change cos' this is not a weakness,but a trait of mine which I won't change(much as I hate it) , and wont like it if you want me to change.
I am sorry enough to let such a trait of mine to cause unhappiness each time cos' I cant or wont talk...But what do you want me to do?
I tried to verbalise my sadness in words but I think I rather eat sardine and faint with it choking in my throat.
(I don't eat sardines!)

Maybe I'm a weakling but I am not at work.
I know exactly and have a own degree of control when I'm at work.
So Monday to Friday is like...Mich @ work.
I never or very rarely meet Jason during weekdays.
Much to my astonishment but I guess it can't be help and it may not be a bad thing either.

Usually my Saturday is like a minute compared to a hour. I mean it just passes way too fast for me to remember that I'm happy.
I never wear watch on weekends cos' I am afraid to see how fast the hours passed.

So you get what I mean by now?
I dont have anyone to rely on and I dont wanna rely too much on anyone else.
I am scare,so scare of being alone.
Yet I am a realist at these.
I just learned that things wont stay the way that they are forever,you would be by yourself eventually so why not learn to deal with it?
And that makes me too scare to commit my 100% to one.

But Jason had become a support.
I hate it when we are meeting so little already and don't like it when time on a Saturday has to pass that fast. (As opposed to the forever 4 long hours after lunch at work.)
Usually I am not very pleased when that little time on a Saturday has to be shared or compromise.

I felt that it's not I'm being selfish and won't allow/like it Jason to go and play some (soccer) games with his group of expatriate mates,going back(early) to watch matches,or simply just visit his family.
Honestly I have nothing against any of each thing he wanna do cos' he is always doing things to make me happy.
So this would contradicts what I felt I was right.

I am selfish!
My insecurity and all drives my selfishness and now you know how much of a fucked up person I am inside!

I tried to be different and want to do things that he like too.
There's an Arsenal match tonight at 8.45pm and I knew I made him missed alot of Arsenal matches.

He is crazy about soccer,about Arsenal,about Thiery Henry.-_- But not for nothing.
It's not just about being crazy over somethin,I guess it is the passion and the appreciation of someone and something good.
It's not that same kinda craziness like stupid fans literally worshipping another human.
Although it doesnt mean I will be crazy over soccer too,learn about history of Arsenal,read about the biography of T.Henry.
But I am never against that.

I really wish that he would skip this match just to spend more time with me tonight.
But I already know that he really want to go back early and watch it today.
I cant pretend to be happy and smile when I really feel sad,yea?
The best I could do is not to kick a storm cos' it isnt right to do so. In the first place,I wasnt angry.
When I am mute,it doesnt mean that I am angry all the time.

He did want to send me home at least but I have already made up my mind to let him be home in time to watch that match.
I just didnt do that in a gracious manner...cos' I couldnt.
I am really sad about that and you wouldnt expect me to smile and kiss you goodbye.

So I ,once again crumpled the date.


I guess with a personality like mine,it is really hard to ...really like it?
I mean I dont even like myself sometimes.
You may not agree cos' you dunno.

I would have dump myself if I were Jason?
Even if I'm a stupid SG cretin guy, I wont even take a second look of myself.

I dont think I am equipped with what it takes to attract someone else,be it looks or personality or brain.(zippo,I am not never in the brain department.)

And when someone out there really likes me,I didnt treat them like what they deserved.

Shutting all these critic thoughts,when the lift doors shut...my tears downed.

Cos' I am just sad that this Saturday sucked because of me and it ended with me alone.



Yes...

I am such a baby,I know.

What about me?(2)

From the many entries talking nothing but moi,you can guess how much I love myself.

Oh..really?

Actually I know I am suck into this whole evolution of me thingy.
I am the tough cookie at work.

We all know it's very tough to close deals approaching year end.
The demand and supply of this (recruitment) market simply doesn't match!
We are facing the suffocation and the woes of never finding candidates good enough for the positions needed.

Tracy(being the senior and top sales notcher) recently clinched a deal for NTU at a base salary of $28oo something.
(We can only charge a percentage base on the basic salary,not gross)
Wow!

Honestly in this trade,all that needs in the end in luck and fate.
The rest are your own efforts and skills.

I was kept hanging on the thread since Monday though things look promising enough.
Today,I sort of officially closed a $60,000/annum or simply put $5ooo base salary.

Frankly speaking,I am very glad.But the excitement toned down by today.
I admitted that I did pray very hard for everything to be smooth sail and I am still keeping my fingers cross till the lucky gal starts work. (she needs a month notice.)

This is what I wanna achieve!
To be fair,it's not very easy to close a high flyer deal just like that.
Usually we would be thankful for every successful deal and be very happy for salary coming to $2ooo.

My highest record was $2000 and I can only charged $400 for it.
All thanks to the dumb contract previously.

Thus this $5000 is really a breakthrough.
And by far,I dont think recently any of my collegues managed to come close for a candidate's pay like that.

So I am one damn lucky gal!
*beams*

Put all short term happiness aside,I know this is really nothing.
Every higher record makes the next one tougher.

And this pushed my desire to surge.

I know what my goal is after I got accustomed to all these recruitment sales thingy.
I wanna achieve what my colleagues did in a much faster time.
And I do not see how it is not possible.
Patience, I have.
Humble,I know.
So yea,=) it's only positive aggressiveness.

So back to me...

I evolved to someone who stands more firmer than she can before.

Thank you for the number of ind-uhviduals that I met,I am no longer soft and relenting.
You can start counting the number of people that I have to "scold" over the phone..haha.
Or rather be so damn firm that they know they are not in a winning position as opposed to me.

Well,I wasnt like this but I learned it.

The more I learned things the hard way,the more I feel that I am losing.

I missed things when everything is simpler.
I badly wanna go back to my childhood days and I wont waste chance learning to whine more to my parents,instead of choosing the path that I am leading now.

I wanted to protect myself too much that I take the hard path.

A double edge sword.

Sigh.

I know whichever way I swing my sword,it's gonna hurt one arm.

Sometimes I just feel so lonely inside but again,dont meddle.

Happy...Friday?
Oh,I gotta work tml!

Blah.

a non-Testosterone filled entry

Disclaimer:
I have no idea what is the antonym of Testosterone at all.
Call me 'limited-vocab',I take that.
Blah.

I am not against guys. Just trying to blah my 2 cents worth.
Personally I have some guy friends who are really great so they may not belong to your typical guy down the streets.
But again...
Who knows?

Hehz.




I dunno how God makes man with so many flaws - inside out.
I mean...isnt God perfect? Oh darn,I shouldnt even have to question that.

Before all guys come blahing on me,telling me gals aint princesses either,well shudap.

I had enough of all those stupid guys succumbing down the skirts of gals.

Pretty hair = babe.
Pretty face = babe.
Pretty legs = babe.
Big boobies= babe.
Sexy smile/voice=babe.

Hey!I have no issues with guys loving babes?
Infact who don't love beautiful things?
Gals love cute and good looking guys too...for a minute or so.

Of cos' I'm ruling out those stupid young (and maybe old) gals who scream and then faint for their so called pretty faces like F4 and what have you. (yea,I'm outdated)

Presenting this week 8 days magazine is none other than 95% of Singaporean guys' all times favourite (in any corner of their pea brain) was Fiona Xie.

Yawn.
-_-

I can almost be sure that if the cover of FHM magazine is like the noe Quan Yifeng(whom recently undergoes a 'reverse' surgery),the sales could went from hero to zero.

WhatI'm trying to say after all is...

Other than the testorone brain soak cretins that most men can be,they are really but your amoebas going for nothing but facade.
Say can they all love Fiona Xie or have Angelina Jolie as their bed fantasies partner if they are disfigured or really your plain janes BUT smart women?

Saying all these,I have nothing against Fiona Xie and Angelina Jolie and Quan Yifeng.
I am merely using their big names as my tools.

Ok putting celebrities aside,we talk about your regular babes who aint popular by some TV works or whatever but pure adoration and admiration by guys because of LOOKS.

Sigh.

Do you have a belle in your school previously?
The school/class belle?
She dont even need to have the best grades or the most wonderful personality but she IS the one that commanded the hearts and blinded the eyes of those MORTALS!

(Haha..Now that I recalled Marc always called us mortals cos' we cant eat half as much as he can.)

Guys,if they can,would literally and perhaps technically do everything that they can just to win a look from that babe.
Oh~I dun have to make the whole situation that comical but sometimes I do find guys that stupid.

Once she's a babe,almost everything is forgivable.
But when she's a babe that you can't over-powered,she becomes a bitch?
And when she's a babe that you easily commands, she is a bimbo.

And above that all, when she whom you cant over-power or commands is just a regular looking gal, she is ...oh blah~who cares that much?

Huh?



Fuck you all,cretins!


Then we talk about say maybe one of the first website that most Singaporean guys associated with, SG girls forum or website..Whatever it is.

Fuck!

I have no idea how does that girls really look like inside but I can be assured that they are just a notch or two higher than the plain janes.
Maybe they are slimmer and all knows the sluts' poses.
But still they are popular cos' guys love patronising them visiting that forum and glue their eyes to their picures.

I dunno what is the big deal of being physically pretty.

Hey,I'm not doing empty talks.

I don't gush over pretty boys (anymore) and if they can't prove to me that their skulls contain any sign of brains, they can jolly well F outta my sight.
Especially those with looks and no brains/personality.

I think gals gushing over cute and handsome guys is just a phase.
We will soon outgrew that and long for someone who can shine.
We dont need Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom lookalike at all.
Of cos' we dont necessarily welcome a gollum like creature.
But sure if that gollum like creature is a sweet thing, I guess it IS possible for us to accept eventually.

But I think guys gushing over sexy and pretty gals is an on-going phase.
I doubt that they can ever stop fantasizing someone of Barbie's figure and long legs till they are 6 feet under.(and then maybe never.)



Oh well..my 30 minutes worth of rants.

Blah,blah,blah!



Disclaimer2:

I know,I know.
This entry is not directed at 100% of the guys and gals' populations.
There are always exceptional.

2 cents worth,why bother huh?

I HATE IT WHEN MY ENTRY IS GONE...DAMNIT!

I thought the process of women evolution is very amazing.
In this short week,I learned & experienced how much of the woes and vexing issues there can be in a woman's life...when there is a man.
Haha.

This ain't exactly a sexual biasness talk but again what makes it isnt when I'm here to defend for all the rights of a woman.

I have this funny yet innocent thought in my head yesterday,with NO offence to religious issues.

I innocently thought,"What if God created Eve first?" Which is to say what if woman is the one that existed first.
We are not here to discuss about which came first,chicken or egg?
It could be a possibility that it is the lady that was the very first species , then maybe some evolved to become the guys.
Haha.This is a highly arguable but again senseless topic.

Since the Bible taught us that it was Adam then Eve and that media showed us that the first monkey was male then we saw female, we let it be.

Anyway...Recently I found up that one of my colleagues is facing a case of infidel M.C.P husband who still does not acknowledges his mistake and repent for his good wife and children.
It amazed all of us how strong my colleague is for she never break a little sadness to us all these months till she told us.
I guessed a whole lot of her strength and courage came from God whom she opened up to lately.
And of cos' I wouldnt deny that it is God let her found strength and encouragements from the people around her.
=)

Then this week is not a smooth ride for those who are attached/married in my company. (and I guess I was kinda affected too.)

We sorted the differences of a man and woman and really I still find in situations of all failures and sorts,it is mostly that the woman suffered.


I shouldnt have to cite examples and quotes here.

I know sometimes this things aint exactly based on genders but individuals.

I heard my collegues saying,if there is a next life,she wouldnt wanna get settled down for marraige etc.
We all know that this is nothing but empty words for we always see the other fields is greener.

I read in the Holy Bible today and leaving this..

It was about evil Pharisees tested Jesus about why did Moses permitted a man to write a certification of divorce and send her away.
So Jesus said this which I guess it is so...

"At the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female'. For this reason a man will leave his fahter and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Jesus answered his disciples when they asked him. He answered,"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."

There is alot of sayings in the Bible which I find it very interesting.
Much as I feared and respect the words in it,I just wanna share with an open mind too.

In this generation,we witnessed too much of such that one cant trust his/her life to another.

Where is the 'happily ever after'?

Guessed we are all tempted too much in this world.
=/

Do you believe...

Caught "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" today.
It was GOOD.
Way better than "The Exorcist - the beginning"

I mean The Exorcist was fine,but I find the scenes more gross than anything else.
Other than proving that the story is all about the test of faith in God,I couldn't find anything else.

This one(The Exorcism of E.Rose) is different.
Nothing gross though there are still some disturbing scenes that kinda stuck in my head still.
Oh yea,you gotta admit that the girl playing as Emily aint really much a beauty queen but she got it all right!
What really matters IS this movie shows us what Exorcism is all about!

It doesnt ends with those kinda plot like "you believe in God and his light shall defeats it all". (Like "The Exorcist")
I mean all believers of Christ or whatever good religions you have speaks that same language eventually and I admit that.

Very interestingly this movie do unveils alot of facts behind exorcism.
Like that dark hour(which I very much doesnt want to think of right now cos' I havent sleep yet!) and the story behind that dark hour, the signs & possibility, the unspoken 6 names of the feared and alot.

The most important part is that very last part when Father Richard read the last letter Emily wrote to him.
Emily's choice! That is the whole crux of the story,I felt.
Gee..typing all these always bring me goosebumps but I feared as much as I respect and love!

Emily's choice reminds me of the Lord Jesus' choice of sacrificial.And of cos' alot of other Saints' choices,say Buddha and so.


I didnt know that this is a true story before I watched it.

I am shame to say that I really aint brought up by Christianity teachings cos' I am very interested in all these Saints and unsaints' stories.

But I leave it.

I'm not a doubter of all these at all,but I just like to keep an open mind.

And really I dont want to experience or see all these in real life, at least not mine.


Praise God.=D

My Mentos Moments

Everyone has their bloopers and blunders moments.
I wasnt spare of cos', particularly when I'm with Jason.

After the movie, we went to Roayl Sporting House.
Everything was fine and I was basking in my own vanity till he (Jason) told me that my zip was spoilt.

I thought he was kidding but after one good second I understand what he meant.

I wore this long skirt which I bought at a big sale with Mingli @ H.Front that time.
Now we know why it's going cheap.-_-

Quite frankly I wasn't half as embarrassed nor panicky.
All I thought was ,"why me" in a sheepish manner.

I leaned carefully behind the walls while waiting for him to save me.
He bought safety pins from Spotlight.(Bucko was not in favour..and whatever bucko is.)

I spent the rest 45 mins,I believed,in the cubicle trying to pin up and making it look unobvious.
For your information,I suck in Home Economics.
I'm not your chef nor your tailor.
Shamely,I still find no talent that my hands can be proud of after 21 years.

Finally I stepped out of the toilet and waited for him to come back.
I was 'hot' not quite due to embarassment but more of feeling worn up spenting that long in the cubicle doing that (pinning) thing.
It's quite tiring,you know.


But brilliant me bought my purple shawl today to match my whole dressing and voila!It came to good use!
Jason wrapped it to cover my behind.
I bet with you for 20 cents that using that shawl as a fashion coverup was not the first thing that sparked to his mind.
He must have only thought of using it to cover up the flaw.Hehz.
(ok I admit,he helped alot too.)
I retied the whole thing and really it looked good!
Though it took me a little time to behave normal.

Anyway with no further delay,I present to you my mentos ad!
=)

Forgive the unclear and grainy pictures. If you want clear looking ones,you gotta wait for another 2 more months when I swear to lay my hands on Cybershot!!


(this is how it looks)


(the side)


(the back)


(the full)




Mentos Fresher~Erm..How to sing that Mentos Jingle??

Was gonna do a long post before I decide not to afterall.

Pretty lazy these days but my life is just gonna be good.

I dun really care now how many people entered and left my world.
My sky wont fall...Not till I fall.
And I wont let me fall becos of anyone.

Not me anymore.

Have this over powering urge to surge!

Yawns...

What about me?

Who am I today is eventually the cause of who I was, who/what brought the changes along the way, whose and what's going on in my life lately and really my self protective nature.

More & more...I am leading myself to a point whereby nothing/no one else comes more important than myself.

This is a true account of my fucked up self.
Take it with a pinch of salt or leave it.

I dunno what makes one selfish nature?
Was it by what they call 'Human Nature' or was it just one's cultivation?

I am selfish...since young.
I didnt exactly like giving what's mine or more precisely what I took hard efforts to make it mine/achieve.
But that was minor.
I still enjoy sharing and giving alot cos' I love to see people whom I care smile.

I was the introvert kind when I was young.
I dunno how to share my feelings and I guess it stayed so all these years.
It is now the point that I dont like to share and express my eventual feels.
I take it as either you understand or you dont.
I dont want and never like to say a damn thing.
It's either you leave it or take it.
When I'm happy, I guess everyone can tell so.
When I'm sad, I have now learn not to show so.


I am the independent, strong and obstinate (if you might add) type.
I learned how to cover my vulnerable side. So even if it's lonely & cold, I guess I can still pretty much live like a normal day when I'm outside.


Too many things happened within this short year.
Might I add, not many were pleasant.

I've heard, seen and experienced.
Am very certain there's lots more to go.

Life's never a bed of roses.
I guess the best way to live it is really to love yourself, or just put yourself above it all.

Perfect things might not stay the perfect forever.
Like who knows the seemly perfect Eiffel Tower might come crashing down one fine day.
(Nah..That's just the analogy. I dont wanna use that Twin Towers.)

Of cos' I know perfect things wont stay good forever.

I also learned that life goes on no matter what.
I can sit back and cry the whole night but I still have to start my life the next morning.

So I came to realise that since things and people come and go too soon, it is thus wise to have things of your own.(and earn them yourself.)

If one day someone leave me,I am to be comfort that I am not left with nothing.
And with my possessions, I am not a failure and my life will still goes on.


Now dont come and blah me with those kind of preaches.

Life's a reality, not your sit com.

I dont wanna live one life and realised I dont have anything.

If I have it, many things and people will take it away from me one time or another.

So this leads me to one entry before this.
I felt very undeserved.
I felt that at this point of time,nothing would bring us back anymore.
And I wanna say, it is you* who let me go.Not me.
Never me.
I would very much like to acknowledge my neligence(in a way or another) but I dont think I will.
Cos you wont see me bowing...anymore.


Anyway...
So what's up with this whole entry?


How much I am afraid of losing things I care so much?
How much I am to realise that my life's nothing but myself?

But fuck it.

I know that by being afraid doesnt makes a difference.
So I am gonna bring things in, by myself.


Unfortunately I dont really like to share.
Dont expect me to share how I feel with you.
You know I never do so and probably finds it too hard to do it for a lifetime.
Dont expect me to do things cos' you want me to open up.
My door's shut always.

Dont expect me to expose myself.
I wont and probably dunno to.

I really..
shut down too many things since young and more so within this year.


If you cant come in,then stay outside.
If you come in,I welcome your leaving anytime you want.
If you left,dont step a mile near again.

The nights that I cried...Noone sees them.
And really no one will.

Whisper

Just happened to bump onto somethings while blog hopping during lunch. (Like right now.)

Honestly it still hurts alot.
I still cant accept how things turned up like that.

But seeing that we both have our own life right now, I guess I shall let things go. Even it's really a regret.

Looks like you* are leading quite well.



All the best.


That's all I can say.

There's nothing much to blog lately.
Kinda lost the touch and the mood to blog.
Wanted to do another topic of the blah blah club. - Fidelity.

But well...

Next time.

When life gets more interesting.

When is Christmas coming?

Much as I look forward to the end of the year,but the approaching of the new one immediatly seems tiring too.

Tried so hard to brace myself for the boredom of tomorrow.

Mind intoxicated*

Some good movies worth to watch for the last of 2005.

*Memoirs of a Geisha

Small talk:

I decided not to put picture in for this one cos' I still think a Geisha looks rather...horrible(sorry~) to me.
Of coz Ms Zhang made an exception in the movie.

*Chronicles of Narnia






Small talk:

I 'fessed up!I am a book idiot! I enjoy reading but I really NEVER read much.
So I have not read the above 2.
I knew about the Geisha book but aint very much interested to read biograhpy(so I thought it was..it is,or is not?)
And feel free to shove my head cos' I dunno what's the Chronicles of Narnia about! Jason seemed to be so anticipating about it and the preview seem gr8. The whole effects were awsome so yea.I bet it's a hot office!


*The Exorcism of Emily Rose




Small talk:
Everyone seems to be so interested in this Exorcist thingy. (so were I.)
I guess everyone is just intrigued by the plots which involved the Saint and Un-saint.(Let's skip that De-il word)Not many movies would venture into such controversial side.
Honestly I didnt really find the Exorcist scary. More gross than scary.
I was just curious when The Exorcist - The Beginning was on theater. Even booked my tickets to watch.
It was no doubt that the movie was trying to end on the brighter light. All about that test of faith.
Though I admit that some of the scences do remained in my head for a while.

So then everyone (ard me) was telling me that the "old" Exorcist IS the scary one.
I searched for a long time,looking for the "original" one.
(Oh..they all say it's a man carrying a briefcase on the picture~)
Finally I found it at H.Front and rented it.(Think I paid 5 bucks for that!)
Kept my excitment till weekends when Jason & I could watched it together.

Results?
It WAS SO DAMN LOUSY!!
Could be partly due to I'm just watching a VCD and not the movie itself.
The story was so long winded and nothing's too good.
I dun even know what happened in the end!

Nevertheless I'm still gonna catch this one.

Actually I didnt like writing about this cos' it made me scared now.
>_< *Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire



Small talk:

I may not watch Harry and co afterall.
I have no doubts that the Harry's shows are good. Everyone said that and I have my own eyes to watch the preview.
Too bad Harry failed to sweep me away cos' I was long lost in Middle Earth that time.
LOTR and Harry Potter came out at about the same time.
I refused to give a hoot about Harry cos' LOTR was so much more better.
Hey~Who wanna watch a couple of kids when you have that elf doing his thing that time?
(kidding!I wasn't mesmerized by Mr Bloom. Maybe part 1 but not the rest.)

Beside I am not those who paid a small fortune just for that books.
Maybe I dont understand but I dont wanna do so.
My money aint meant to spend on books like that.

But you gotta admit, the wave was crazy.


Other movies:
Nope Mr Tony Jaa is not in my 'to watch' list.
Doubt I will watch any more typical Hollywood's products for this year.
No animated cartoons!

To be update then.

Cheerios.

By the work of some miracle heals,I always seem to be able to count on the rebounce as soon as I hit the pit.
After much negativism for the past few entries, I'm much better today.
What made me cranky?

1)Lack of sleep.
2)Sick.
3)Feeling bored,inoccupied and wasting my time away.

However not all my views are changed.
I still feel that life could be more occupied, eventful and better.
In my line,my life,I'm constantly in touch with the younger and younger generation.
And I always gotta play the wiser role thus it made me realised that it doesnt take me another ten years to realise that I'm 31.(then what?41,51?!!)
It made me cringe with the fear that I'm 31 tomorrow and I will never realised it!
The worse is I havent achieved anything?
I'm not ready to face everything that's already scripted in a Singaporean's life and then meets me death. (Provided that there's no major changes to the usual scripts.)

So what's next?

Anyway~On a damper note for me.
My sales has been a one way down and I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!
I hitted and very much exceeded the minimum by my second month and dropped a few hundred by the third and my forth is PATHETIC!
It's even lower than my FIRST!

Ok to be less strict,not all of my Oct sales are recorded and most probably they are pushed to Nov's sales.
But no matter how much that would be, my Oct sales will be the lowest of the 4 months!

The year is coming to an end and we all know that things are gonna be quieter till CNY ends.
Darn!Does that makes my brilliant excuse?
Hell no!Once I doesn't hit $4k (by now)I have no commission at all!

To all those stupid sales people, I'm not doing your regular selling here thus sales doesnt come that easy.

While I'm gonna panic for the rest of the year,I do hope Clara and Hender would let me off for this one.
-_-"


Next up~
By now you would have encountered those monks trying to SELL you some card with the Buddha imprint.
Fuck you,shaven posers!
I hope that Buddha gives you a tight slap at night.

To be honest,Jason & I did forked up like..$5 bucks each to buy that stupid (Ok,I cant be rude to Buddha.Sorry,Shen~) so called 'blessed' card from them on separate dates.

What the hell are these fake monks doing around?
Why aren't there any police arresting them?

Maybe they are not cons afterall but I still feel like giving them that 'soccer' sign whenever they come near me.
If they ain't cons,then I would stay out of meat for a month week.
(I will never subject myself to severity in anytime. Hehz.)

So today on my way to work under the drizzling (ok,it's more than a drizzle) sky,there's this botak who clogged in grey(ah~no more clay uniforms huh?) infront of MDIS.

He approached that auntie whose way infront of me and I think I saw that auntie paying and quickly left.

Rolling my eyes and putting on my damn dao look,I marched forward.

So that con botak approached me.

I very much wanted to ask him to fuck off before I decided to leave some civility afterall.

So what I did was to lift up my tiny cross pendant infront of him and walked off.

Dunno if he saw it eventually.I should have worn that bigger cross that I bought for a dollar at Tanglin Flea Market.

For a second there,I felt that smugness sneaking in me but again I didnt want any Christian friend sof mine to think that I used their religion as shield.

It's not anything bad that I did?

Infact for that record,I did the same thing wise to different con botaks of coz.

Maybe I should stick to politely look down and wave my hand.


But....



It's not fun this way.


Blah.

I cant sum enough how much disgust I have for this life.
Is it right?
Nothing's up for your judgement.

I am beginning to resent the so called tranquility of my life.
Am I gonna accept this?
How vivid the vision is for the rest of my life?
I can even see my own cold body lying somewhere(and wherever) in years (define how many that will be) to come.
One life?
That's it?

And the worst thing that I come to figure up lately is that I really didnt have much positive likings for myself.

I demand attention yet I hate them.
I dont want to give a damn of others' feelings cos' it is really wearing me up.BUT I hate it when my feelings are left for myself to care for.(and I dont care!)
I easily abuse others' love for me and I don't think I have much of love for others but myself!
I am unfamthomable!
My mood swings as hard as that pendulum clock.


And when such mood sinks in,I hate the world.
I hate to see a tiny bit of crowd.

And I hate it when I am quick enough to switch on that smile whenever faces I or he know come to us.
I hate it when I am quick enough to put on my 'professionalism' suit whenever calls of work come to me even when I'm in a black mood.

I wish I could ask them to F off for the day.
Why cant they see me for what mood I am in?
Or really is that piece of courtesy that important cos' we all wanna leave a good impression?
Then that is not considered hypocoristic?


Well then..HEHEEHEHEH. xD

I'm smiling cos' I am really unhappy then~


And of all,I hate it when I'm never rich, never feeling rich, never am really monetary and unmonetary rich.
Content,be content.
Or it is contend that I seek?
I look at the things I want.
They are forever lying in that list.
Why aren't I striking them off?



Ok whatever.
The rants never end,the dissatisfaction never ease.

I think I am just demanding some attention.

Like why do I deserve!

Whose uglier?Me or Me?

One of the sucky things I reckon on a public holiday is to suffer from the following:

*Have a beautiful dream.
*Woken up by that stupid bird that needs to clear its throat(that loudly) within seconds.
*Realised it's a hour to noon.
*Have breakfast just like it is a program despite how bad it tasted.
*A brother is at home with you and that makes 2 rotting ind-uhviduals in the house.
*Your table is as messy as ever.
*Tons of housework to be done.
*Have to cook lunch as promised.
*Still need to work cos I have to call my clients up. (IN A HOLIDAY!)
*(knowing )My half day leave tomorrow is blown!
*And knowing that my friday is gonna suck too.
*No mood to go out alone but didnt want to stay home and let the second last p.h of the year to go to waste.
*Keep repeating that 'suck' word,I hate it really.
*No good music.
*Feeling ugly.










-_-

My plans for tomorrow

Do housework.
Cook lunch.
See if I still got the mood to be that solitaire c8t and go roam at Bishan. (Thank God for bus 58!)

There is always this 'if only...'


If only I got a car and fucking drive!

Damnit!

Evaluation

I do not know what do strangers think of me.

I do not know what do my family think of me.

I do not know what do my friends think of me.

I do not know what do those that had left (me) think of me.

I do not know what do those people that I felt deeply for think of me.

I do not know what do those people that felt deeply for (me) think of me.

I do not know what do my colleagues think of me.

I do not know how do my clients & candidates think of me.

I do not know what do my student(s) think of me.

I do not know what do him think of me...really.

I do not know what do you(who read this) think of me.

I do not know a dozen things and that's an extremely understatement.

Yet I know...

I do not think I can great afterall.

It's not the case of self-resent or low esteem.

It is my case of critic-ism.



Why?